Log # 85

I think often times we do not realize what we have until we don’t have it anymore. Or we see someone else losing something and realize we have it too but maybe we do not honour it enough or take it for granted. Taking people, things and our surroundings for granted becomes a second nature. We keep telling ourselves they are always here and always will be until they are not. In my perspective I think it can applicable to nearly everything around us. Our relations, our possessions. A tree that was outside your house but you never paid any attention to it, until the day it was cut down. The tiny basil plant that grew on its own this season but was never acknowledged until it died with the first frost. That child who you never appreciated and showed any love for, until they were no longer around you.

For me, I am certainly guilty of overlooking little things around me. I live in my head so much that in the pursuit of bigger things, I always end up losing the sight of tiny ones that are always around me. My cat who loves me, always greets me on the door when I come home from anywhere. Plants who stay green to provide me a peaceful sight especially during the harsh dead-cold winters. My friends who show up for me whenever I need them and even when I don’t. My car that takes me safely to different places. Every single thing that I am surrounded with is not something that I am entitled to. It is something that I am blessed with and often times, I do take it all for granted. Being intentional with my actions and being more in the present helps me recognize these little things and appreciate them a bit more.

Recently I was reminded of this was after a very unfortunate incident close to my house. I came to know that there is a dead animal on the road. I hate it when an animal gets hit and dies on the road, and the drivers keep driving on their little dead bodies. So I went outside to check on what it was. From a distance, I could tell it was a bigger body – so not a squirrel or bunny. As I got closer, my fear turned true and I found a very healthy tom cat dead on the road, his little head crushed by the car. My across the road neighbour, who I didn’t notice initially, was standing in the back close to her car and was crying. She said she just came back home and pushed the body off the road as the cars were crushing it. I could see the signs on his head where the cars have run over him. A horrible and painful sight that I still remember. She had already called the city services to pick his body. I moved it a little more off to the curb and then just stayed there until the services arrived to take him. All this time when I stayed there with its body, I wasn’t crying even though it was a hurtful sight. The moment he was picked up in a bag to be taken away is when I couldn’t hold it anymore. The poor thing might be crossing road to go home. He died there crushed by cars, in a cold night, all alone. The news of an unidentified cat in a roadkill was posted on various online groups but no one claimed him. I wonder if he even had a warm home of his own.

When I came back inside, I hugged Binoo a little tighter and longer. I already miss Sushi a lot and I have his thoughts in my head more than often. I don’t always play with Binoo after work. She does not get undivided attention from me everyday. But I do try to be more and more mindful of my surroundings and the present moment. I always give her an extra 5 mins cuddle every morning. How unfortunate that such an incident had to remind me to be more present for those who are in the present right now. But what’s more unfortunate is that it is only me who thinks this way perhaps. Of course I am not talking about Binoo anymore. Everything and everyone is taken for granted until they are not there anymore. It is really true that the “dead people receive more flowers than the living ones because regret is stronger than gratitude”.