Log # 127
I find it somewhat offensive when someone tells me ‘oh you’re so lucky’ – be it in a work situation, or in general in life. I don’t think there is anything more demeaning than telling someone that they are lucky as if the efforts they put in to get where they are didn’t matter at all. I may have been lucky if I was born in a family where my presence was appreciated, where I wasn’t compared to boys and being told I am not good enough or if I had been given the same opportunities that I may have had if I were a boy. However, these were never the cases and I had to work hard to keep going for things that I wanted and also put up a fight for anything that I did not want.
A lot of times such comments have messed up with my ability to trust myself and added to my imposter syndrome. I had doubted myself and my abilities. I’d think I am here because I got lucky and not because I put so much effort and went through a lot to get where I am today. It may also be because perhaps as women we just carry it our genes that we may not be better and keep getting lucky. While I was having a conversation with a colleague today, I realized a few things which I hope to remember and practice in life too. We started chatting a little about the past year and what are our plans for this year. I don’t remember what brought it up but she mentioned don’t ever let anyone tell you that you were lucky to be here or for anything you achieved in life. Always remember, you have worked for it and had the potential to make it here.
During our discussion I brought it up that I wanted to get a haircut but because I have put on some weight, I just don’t feel like doing it anymore. She told me ‘just do what you want to do while you still can.’ She mentioned she’s almost 60 now and many times think back at her life and regret not doing the things that she could have done while still young. It may seem like a random small sentence but it indeed is something to consider while there is still time. I have postponed many things in life saying I will do it once I am/have _____. Sometimes I was never able to do it. So I don’t want to postpone things anymore. If there is something that I want to do and can be done, I will do it. I don’t know what I am delaying things for and what I am waiting for, now is the moment. I have made it this far with God’s help only and I will enjoy all the blessings he has for me InshaAllah.