Log # 07

Maybe everyone thinks this way or maybe it is just me, but I think I have a story that needs to be told. Not just me but every individual of my family, all 5 people have a story worth telling. I used to think of it a lot some time ago, and also reached out to my siblings at one point to talk to my now late dadi (grandma) and ask her to tell us her stories. I realized that we actually do not know people who we live with because we live with each other on a very surface level. We have day to day interactions and do not even put any efforts to know each other more. None of us could record the stories from my dadi because she was always under a ‘surveillance’ of my uncle’s wife and kids and we essentially would never get any alone time with her. When I was in Pakistan last time, I still had this in mind but couldn’t go forward with it still. One reasons or another, it just couldn’t happen and she passed in February. Now I think of asking the same questions and details to my parents so I know their stories. How they came into being, how they were raised, how was their childhood, what they were and how they became who they are as individuals. I am hoping life will give me time to be able to know and talk about it, InshaAllah.

If I look back and just give an overview of my life and my story, I will tell you it was challenging. I will also tell you that if it wasn’t for Allah and my mother’s prayers, I may have had it even difficult because of the people who I was surrounded with. From age 8 to 30, I lived among people who hated me and my presence. These folks wished the worse for me and also took steps to ensure that no good can come to me. Worst of all, there was no one to stand by me and protect me. Jokes on them, Allah Pak had things planned for me and was always by my side. I am sure He has things planned for them too and they will have a great payback time too InshaAllah. At a very young age, someone from my family told me you’re so mature for your age. At the time I am not sure how I took it, was it a compliment? I don’t think it’s a compliment for anyone. How is a child who is mature for their age can be a good thing? It is so sad to think about. But I was mature for my age based on how my initial 8 years have passed – witnessing domestic abuse at home, a few times enduring it too and definitely not finding anyone around to protect me except for my mother.

I was sitting with a cousin sometime around 2015 perhaps, when she mentioned her elder daughter is 8 now. I looked at her daughter and I was stunned just thinking she’s 8. So I asked her again she is 8 in a surprising tone. She said yes, and I responded with she’s so small. I was this small. I still remember my eyes tearing up thinking, I was a very young child and my sister was even younger than me. How can someone be so cruel especially to their own blood? My uncle’s wife hated children who were as young as 8 and 7 years old. I don’t know for what? Because she was caught by my mother doing things that she should not have done? Because she stole things from my mother? Or because my mother called her out on her characterless acts? This woman knew, of course, how abusive and disrespectful my father was towards my mother and she used it. She also could see that her being so frank with my father was causing issues between my parents yet, she continued. And so did my father. He continued supporting her over his wife and children. A woman with malice in her heart can cause destruction in homes and this woman caused it to ours. Wallah I pray for her worse outcome in this world and in the afterlife. When Allah will ask me I will stand witness for all the injustices that had happened in that house to my mother, to my siblings and me. And eventually to my father too. Each of us hold a story that should be told without any shame or judgement.

Life has a funny way to turn around. It is true that what goes around always find its way back to you. 25 years later today, I am still sitting patiently and waiting for Allah to take our revenge. I want Him to serve her and her children with the best possible revenge that no man can imagine. I also think of those relatives, who knew all this time what is going on. Who we went to and informed how we were being treated and they brushed it away. They also stood by her and supported her. How should they be getting their paybacks? Anyhow, I know one thing that our life’s story will never be completed until we see our revenge being sought by Allah and He is the best to plan it all out. InshaAllah.